Did
I Choose This?
Brady Greco, Performance Coach
Many parents believe the quickest
path to the American Dream is to
program their child to become a
professional athlete. Whether the
catalyst for such a belief is their
child's, or personal, gain is the
question. Parents involvement in
their childrens lives can be a
vicarious experience and can cause
deeply embedded questions of
personal worth in their children.
Whether or not the children feel
this overriding pressure is
debatable. Sometimes parents
pressure their children in a
subversive, or subconscious way,
leaving the children to ask, "Are
they pushing me into this, or am I
choosing this?".
The latest example of this parental
involvement can be seen through the
life of Andre Agassi. In his
autobiography, Open, Agassi brings
the reader into the experience of a
family that lived vicariously, and
benefited monetarily, from his
talent in tennis. Andre Agassi
"hated tennis with a dark, secret
passion, but didn't let anyone
know." It can only be concluded,
then, that the pressure put on him
from his family, specifically his
father, created the persona that we
know today. The process led Agassi
to a year of drug abuse, depression,
failed marriages, and other
destructive choices that led to an
emotional emptiness that resonated
in all aspects of his life. The apex
of this parental pressure was
displayed in an event that catalyzed
Agassi's future. His father, Mike,
taped ping-pong paddles to Andre's
hands in an attempt to hone Agassi's
motor skills.
Another recent example of how our
society rewards such behavior can be
seen in the story of Bobby Knight,
the Texas Tech coach who was
reprimanded for behavior at Indiana.
His coaching style was a mix of
harsh castigation, and reward. If a
player went through his regiment
they were duly rewarded with playing
time. However, if you crossed a
threshold of his during a game, you
were abruptly reprimanded, possibly
publicly and nationally. This is
reminiscent of "Stockholm Syndrome"
which is a disorder whereby the
captive, once wary of their captor's
demands, becomes concerned whether
or not they are good enough, or
pleasing, to their captor. Stockholm
syndrome refers to the development
of reciprocal, positive feelings
between hostages in their terrorist
captors, which is set to enhance the
hostages ability to cope with
captivity.
Perhaps Andre Agassi was suffering
from a similar situation. Worried
that he would let down his father,
who had the need for success, he
lived up to such expectations while
fighting it in emotional, physical,
and spiritual ways. Agassi
reminisces that his father was so
driven in his personal life that he
instilled this intensity onto his
child and was unable to accept
anything other than perfection. Many
children do not ever recognize these
neuroses in their own lives until it
is too late. This boundary can be
seen as rejection or resentment of
family, personal isolation and
chemical abuse in many instances.
Parents react to this indignation in
a variety of ways. As humans are
creatures of habit, parents will
continue to program their children
into the people they wish their
children to be, but sometimes they
react with a resentment that
overshadows every interaction
henceforward. Denial is a strong
determinant of this interaction.
In today's society, sports have
turned into all work and no play.
The definition of sports is: "fun,
pleasure, entertainment, diversion,
and amusement." Our economy rewards
athletes for the money they bring in
not the diversion they provide. We
have streamlined our athletes,
albeit children, into workhorses of
entertainment. Where is the
self-satisfaction? Where is the
personal gain? If we speak
monetarily, it is obvious, however,
ask professional athletes what they
value in life, and their salary and
esteem are low on the list. Can we
assume that parental involvement has
a modicum of involvement in this
scenario or something to do with
these fates?
In conclusion, parents who enmesh
themselves in their child's sports
life create unneeded stress and
pressure. "In such circumstances,
adults often transmit a distorted
view of the role of the sport in the
child's life, communicating to the
child that the sport is the most
important aspect of the child's
existence." This parental behavior
can destruct relationships including
their child's constant wonder of
whose acheivement it indeed is,
handicapping the child's level of
self-confidence. If parents do not
become enmeshed, they can teach
their child how to properly enhance
physical and emotional skills.
Parents must observe their child
when they are engaged in a sport for
any signs of stress and pressure to
fully benefit the long-term
development of their child.
At the Mental Edge, we coach and
educate parents on how to be
properly involved in your kid's
activities to provide the most
enjoyment for both of you , simply
call Dawn to get started today at
763.439.5246.